“How did you get here?”
Thats how every conversation starts on the first day. Grew up in the church, got out of drugs, my wife led me here; the answers vary by miles but all have patterns of struggle, epiphany, and action. How did I end up here? People ask. And as I look back on the last year of my life I see the inter workings of one million, yes literally million, split second events that led me here, sitting in my bed in LA, four other girls in my trailer home dorm, no air conditioning, and the promise of a completely unsure and adventure filled six months.
One second I was in love, ready to do life with the same human for the rest of my life. What a weird thing to think at 18. But I did. And the next second I was in love and he wasn’t and it was over. And the next second I no longer had security. And the next second I realized I didn’t have things figured out as neatly, easily as I wanted to believe I did. And every second I felt like I couldn't breathe more and more, and after many seconds of this I broke down. I was tired of feeling like I was trying to do everything I could do, but not knowing why I was doing it. I couldn't do it. I wanted a way out, I wanted to start something completely new. “I want to do ywam” were the words out of my mouth and in one second I had verbalized my escape.
And this is how I know this was God. I didn’t hear from God. I really didn’t and when I tell people how I got here I don’t try to act like He whispered the words in my ear. But my God is so powerful that he arranged seconds. He is so powerful that he literally molded seconds of feelings and words and actions and broken relationships into a call to be here, where I am sitting right now.
I titled this entry hearing the voice of God. Because I can tell you in those seconds I heard nothing, but the voice of God was speaking louder than I can even say.
